Some days I just want to curl up in this hole I’ve dug myself in. Before I know it I've dug the hole even deeper than it was before. It’s not easy on days like this. Days that you know you shouldn’t be sitting in your room watching reruns of the Dr. Phil show, eating boxes of double stuffed Oreos and crying yourself to sleep, but you do it all anyway. Waking up to a face full of acne and a stomach ache, you scrape your sweaty body out of your sunken in bed and get ready for another day of trying to hold in tears at work.
I can't shake this empty feeling. This pit in the very bottom of my stomach that always seems to cave in once I had thought it was full. Dirt crumbles in and out of it, as I relax then struggle to breath.
I want a hug, I want to cry, I want to move everything out into the yard, I want to hose down this house, hose down myself. I have a job interview tomorrow, that's pretty exciting. The start of something new, hopefully I get the job I think I'd fit in well over there... Maybe I can be happy.
Tell me I can be enough for him, because he deserves so much more than he's been given. He deserves so much more love than he's been shown. So much more care than anyone I've met. But I'm depressed, and trying.
